Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
