I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize