does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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