I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
