i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
