I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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