just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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