He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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