FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
