Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
