did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
