i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
