thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
