yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
