People in love make me want to vomit
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
