So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
