Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
