What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
