im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
is it fun? or sober?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
