found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
