i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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