chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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