fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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