Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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