and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
