Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
