he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
where does the pee come out of this thing
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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