mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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