I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
