it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
