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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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