I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
