The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
