We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
