Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
A+ Viking dick
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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