At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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