I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
