Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
