I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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