I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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