It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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