Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
