I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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