he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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