do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
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Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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