it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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