saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
