weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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