i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
