Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
