Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish you could order shots online.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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