The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
