Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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