Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
