you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
