ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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