I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
