It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
