i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
