You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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