His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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