my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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