dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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