So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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