Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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