I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
