the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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