is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
