I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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