My liver just broke up with me...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
