just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
