Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
