Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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