They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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