I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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