I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
