Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
