D3 body, D1 cock
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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